October, 2008_____________________________________________McCormick Press

VOL. V, Issue 8                                                                www.lostmypartner.com

                                                                           newsletter@lostmypartner.com

 

 

 

The Lost My Partner Newsletter  

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner –What’ll I Do?  A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

 

This Month’s Feature: Beware the Ghouls and Goblins That Prey on the Widowed!

 

 

UPDATES FROM RUTH & LAURIE

 

Welcome to our October newsletter! With Halloween coming up, we thought we’d put a humorous spin on our feature article; being widowed can be scary enough without the added stress of coping with difficult people. Learn how to identify and cope with these “creatures”.

 

We’re so excited about our long-awaited Lost My Partner-What’ll I Do? Enlarged and Revised Edition that for a limited time, we’re offering FREE SHIPPING on both the new and the original editions. Find out more at: www.lostmypartner.com.

 

Please stay in touch and share any ideas or suggestions with us. We can be reached at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

Beware the Ghouls and Goblins That Prey on the Widowed!

 

In the days and weeks following your spouse’s death, shock and exhaustion can leave you vulnerable to certain people who are difficult to avoid. Usually disguised as well-meaning family and friends, these creatures often unknowingly say or do upsetting things. 

 

Here are some tips for identifying them and protecting yourself:

 

1. Platitude Ghouls

Spot them: Though well-intentioned, these creatures don’t think before spewing out insensitive remarks such as, “It’s all for the best”, “Aren’t you over it yet?”, “Don’t worry – you’ll find someone else” or “ I went through exactly the same thing during my divorce.”

Ward them off by: Changing the subject.

 

2. Gruesome Grabbers

Spot them: Usually adult children/step-children, cousins, or other relatives, these creatures swoop in while you’re still off-balance and start nosing around for “remembrances” of your late spouse. Can often be found burrowing through closets and drawers while you’re in another part of the house.

Ward them off by: Telling them, “I’m just not ready to deal with this yet. I’ll let you know when I’m up it.” Then be sure to keep an eye on them.

 

3. Demolition Demons

Spot them: These creatures love to pressure you with sincere but unwelcome advice aimed at dismantling reminders your former life. Under the guise of “it’s for your own good”, they urge you to give away your spouse’s belongings, sell your car, home, or other valuables, move to another city, or make other important changes. Quickly.

Ward them off by: Keeping in mind that making hasty decisions while you’re grieving usually results in later regrets. Tell DD’s,“ I need more time before I make any important decisions. I’ll consider taking these steps when I’m in a better frame of mind.” If this doesn’t stop them, a simple, “Not now!” may work.

 

4. Creepy Crawlers

Spot them: Usually a family friend or neighbor, these predators exploit your trust at a time when you’re most vulnerable. When these creeps offer a sympathetic “shoulder to cry on”, that’s not the only part of their bodies they want to share with you.

Ward them off by: Letting them know how insulted you feel and what a betrayal of trust their offers have caused. Or you might say, “You’ve obviously misread me/the situation. I’m not interested!”

       

The grieving process can be scary enough without these creatures. With a little caution and some assertiveness, you can send them scurrying back into the darkness.

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

 

“My husband died recently. He used to handle most of our finances. About a month after his death, I started getting calls from some brokerage firms pressuring me to have them start managing my portfolio. I’m so overwhelmed right now but worried that I’ll have financial problems down the road if I don’t get some guidance.”     Marilyn W.

 

When in doubt, don’t make an important decision until you’re emotionally ready to do so. Signing up with brokerage or other financial firms can often involve hidden costs and giving up some control over your what happens to your money. Ask a trusted relative, friend or accountant to help you learn about and explore various financial options before committing to anything. 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

Receive a 25% discount when you buy the original, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do? from our website: www.lostmypartner.com.

 

Telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

 

 

(Copyright 2008 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)