THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

 

Vol. IV,  Issue 8   October, 2007

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner ­ What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner ­— What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

How To Get More/Less Support From Others

 

PART II: When You Need Less Support

 

 

“Since my wife died, my daughter fusses over me like I’m a child. I liked the attention at first, but it’s been awhile and now I can’t seem to convince her I’m able to take care of myself again.”

 

In the weeks following your spouse’s death, you may welcome having friends and family step in and take over responsibilities. As you start to get back on your feet, however, too much assistance may become unnecessary and unwanted. If you’re usually the “independent” or “self-sufficient” type of person, you may even feel somewhat uneasy by others’ attempts to take care of you.

 

Although you might not need their help right now, you may want the reassurance of other’s help if the occasion arises. Here’s one example of how to approach friends and/or family.

 

“Your help has meant a lot to me, but I’m starting to feel stronger, and it’s important that I begin to stand on my own two feet as much as possible If something does come up where I might need your help, is it okay if I let you know?”

 

Remember: Everybody needs support at certain times. Let family and friends know how much you appreciate their help but be clear about your need to feel more like your old self again.

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

 

“My husband had Parkinson’s and died last year. Recently, the husband of a close friend of mine was diagnosed with the same disease. Since then, she and her husband have been calling me with questions about the illness. I tried suggesting they join a support group but they ignored this idea. Although I’m very fond of them and understand how frightened they are, their repeated questions keep stirring up painful memories for me. How do I handle this situation without hurting my friends’ feelings?”   Susan R.

 

Your sensitivity to your friends’ situation is understandable, but you also need to protect yourself. Tell your friends something like: “I understand your need for support and information and I want to be there for you, but it stirs up painful memories right now.”

 

Be sure to remind your friends about the organizations and support groups that are available to them.

 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others

in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

Obtain a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner ­- What’ll I Do?  Purchase online at www.lostmypartner.com or telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814.

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

 

(Copyright © 2007 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)