THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

 

VOL. III, Issue 8 OCTOBER, 2006

 

 

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

 

 

NOTE: Our new mailing address is:

McCormick Press,

c/o P.O. Box 6877,

Beverly Hills, Ca 90212-6877

 

 

 

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we’ve done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice “user-friendly”. Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

 

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you’d like to share with us.

 

Thanks for joining us.

 

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

 

 

 

MONTHLY FEATURE

 

 

All Grown Up but Still Your Little One; Making Sense of Your Adult Child’s Reactions

 

Since your spouse’s death, do you find your adult children nagging you about your health or safety? Have they been making unwelcome intrusions into your daily life or generally treating you like a child?

 

Although they are grown, the death of one parent can stir up fears about losing the surviving parent for an adult child. Anything that makes you seem vulnerable, whether it’s your health or behavior, can suddenly loom in your child’s mind as potential for another loss. Remember that no matter how old we are, we always need and would like to depend upon a parent.

 

Here are some ways to understand and cope with your child’s anxiety:

 

1.    Acknowledge that having lost one parent, you are all the more precious to him or her.

2.    Suggest that you work together to create a strategy for dealing with worrisome situations.

3.    If you’ve been managing on your own and your doctor isn’t concerned about you, consider either getting a life-line device you can use in an emergency or agree to a daily “check-in” where one of you phones the other at a pre-arranged time.

4.    If you’re feeling pressured or controlled by your child, try saying something like, “I know you mean well and this is one way you show you care about me. However, I know what’s best for me and will do everything I can to make sure I’m around as long as possible.”

5.    If there are ways your adult child can assist you, let them know specific tasks they can perform (as part of your mutual “strategy”.)

 

 

Remember that whenever we lose a loved one, others we love can seem vulnerable to death. No matter how old he or she becomes, your child is always your child. Try not to lose sight of the frightened, dependent little one inside the adult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOUR QUESTIONS

 

 

“I’ve held onto my late husband’s car because it has so many happy memories for me. Recently, it’s been breaking down and now it needs some very expensive repairs. My grown kids want me to get rid of it and buy something newer. I know I probably should, but I just can’t bring myself to let go of my husband’s car. What should I do?” Sarah B.

 

Giving up any possession that holds cherished memories is always difficult The memories, however, will always live inside you, not in a vehicle that has become unsafe.. Your safety and wellbeing should come first. Letting go of your husband’s car and driving a newer model will be an important step forward in your progress.

 

 

 

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

 

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

 

If you’re interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner – What’ll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com