Date: April 9th, 2006 10:04:07 a.m.

VOL. I, Issue 6 November & December, 2004

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we've done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice "user-friendly". Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you'd like to share with us.

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes for the Holiday Season,

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

TEN BEST WAYS TO GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS

Dreading the upcoming holidays? If you've recently lost your spouse, the coming festivities can feel as unwelcome as Marley's Ghost. Here's some tried and true strategies for facing the holiday season:

1. Think ahead and try to anticipate how you'll feel on each holiday.
2. Even if you don' t join in the festivities, don't remain alone all day. Spend some time with a friend.
3. Considering your loss, don't expect yourself to be as upbeat as usual. Expect some sadness as you take part in the festivities.
4. To lessen the chance of emotional "sneak attacks", make some time to grieve, either on the holiday or just before it.
5. If you do choose to join in holiday activities, make some changes as to how much you do or become involved in.
6. Contact the host or hostess before the get-together and let them know that you aren't feeling like your usual self and may need to leave early.
7. Give yourself the first 30 minutes after you arrive to adjust to a gathering where your spouse is no longer with you.
8. Take your own car or alert a friend who is driving that you may want to leave early.
9. If you start to feel overwhelmed, you can retreat to the bathroom or take a short walk for some private time.
10. If you choose to avoid the usual gatherings, consider volunteering to serve meals at shelters, visiting shut-ins, or spending the day at a movie or health spa.

Remember: you will get through this time. We've found that the anticipation is usually worse than the actual event. Plan ahead and do only what is most comfortable for you.

YOUR QUESTIONS

" My husband of 32 years passed away last April. Since then, I've noticed that whenever my family gets together, nobody mentions his name. This really upsets me because it feels like he never existed when this happens. With the holidays coming up, I'm worried how I'll react at family dinners. How should I handle this situation?"

Others will take their cue from you. People close to us often fear "upsetting" us by mentioning our spouse by name. As you've discovered however, just the opposite is true. Mention your spouse through an appropriate remembrance such as his fondness for a particular dish or his enjoyment of a special holiday activity. This will give others "permission" to talk about him freely.

GETTING THROUGH THE DAYS; Our Readers' Tips

"Whenever I attend special family events, I carry my wife's favorite pearl earrings in my pocket. It makes me feel like I'm bringing a part of her along." Mel T.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

If you're interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com

(Copyright 2004 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)