Date: April 9th, 2006 10:00:56 a.m.

THE LOST MY PARTNER NEWSLETTER

VOL. I, Issue 4 September, 2004

Brought to you monthly by Laurie Spector & Ruth Spector Webster, authors of Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?; A Clear, Practical Guide For Coping and Finding Strength When Your Spouse Dies

Hello and welcome to our newsletter! We know how losing a spouse can turn your whole world upside down. It can also make concentrating on anything, even an online newsletter really difficult. Just as we've done with our bereavement book, Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?, we specially designed this newsletter to make getting valuable professional advice user-friendly . Each month we offer comfort, reassurance and practical strategies as well as useful tips from our readers.

We want to make this newsletter on ongoing source of support you can turn to any time, so please let us know how we can make it more relevant for you. We welcome any suggestions or ideas that you'd like to share with us.

Let us hear from you at: contact@lostmypartner.com

Thanks for joining us.

Warmest Wishes,

Ruth and Laurie

MONTHLY FEATURE

HOW TO HANDLE "FRIENDLY" ADVICE

Whether it's " You really should get out more" or " Why don' t you get rid of his things already?" , the advice and suggestions of well-meaning family and friends can sometimes feel like unwanted pressure while you're coping with the loss of your spouse.

Fearful of losing valuable support and unsure of their own judgment, many widowed are reluctant to tell others their comments are unwelcome.

Before you lose your temper however, we suggest you stop and try to listen to what' s being said. Depending on how long it's been since your loss, is your health or financial situation in jeopardy? Family and friends may be expressing concerns that justify some serious attention on your part. Another area of legitimate concern may be how socially isolated you've become. Assuming there are no safety issues involved, staying alone (as long as you're completely isolating yourself), can be comforting and is normal. But eventually forming new attachments (even just friendships) is an important part of moving forward in your bereavement.

Sometimes however, "friendly" advice is not useful. It may stem from family members' sense of helplessness and wish to "fix it" and/or be about their own idea of what's right for you. Handle these situations by thanking the other person for their concern, but gently point out that the timing has to feel right for you.

YOUR QUESTIONS

" I' ve been dating a wonderful man for the last month. Lately though, when he comes to my house and sees all the photos of my late husband, he' s begun making comments such as, "It' s like a shrine in here." This really upsets me. Why can't he understand that it' s comforting to be surrounded by happy reminders of another time in my life?"

Displaying a few keepsakes of your late husband is understandable. But maybe your need to "surround" yourself with mementoes means you aren't quite ready to take the step into dating. It's natural to miss the companionship that marriage provided but don't rush into new attachments without giving yourself sufficient time to mourn the former one.

GETTING THROUGH THE DAYS; Our Readers' Tips

"Every time I get discouraged and think I haven' t made progress, I look at the "Clip This Chapter" page from my copy of Lost My Partner and remind myself of how far I have come." Betty L.

Discovered a coping strategy that works for you? Share it with others in future newsletters. Email us at: contact@lostmypartner.com

If you enjoy this newsletter, please tell your friends and/or colleagues about it.

If you're interested in obtaining a copy/copies of the book, Lost My Partner - What'll I Do?, telephone toll free at 1-877-727-3814 or visit our website: www.lostmypartner.com

(Copyright 2004 by Laurie J. Spector, M.S.W. and Ruth Spector Webster, M.S.W. All rights and all media reserved.)